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Year End Closure

December 31, 2013

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It never ceases to amaze me when we come up to the coast. I’m always awestruck and in disbelief of the power of the ocean. And this house that we always stay in, i’m never quite aware that we are here until we leave. Its breathtaking views and clarifying energy always take me by surprise.

CC and I have been here 5 times, I have been here one additional time without him. I can easily tell where we are in our marriage based on the quality of the trip we have up here. It sounds odd, but it’s true. A month after the first time I came to this house in Fort Bragg, he proposed, I was giddy and delighting in a new relationship. 10 months later we came back together and shared 4 amazing days. A year later we came amid struggles in our love and questioning the future. Tonight, I sit here, with him sound asleep, while I lay awake feeling more secure and less fearful then I have ever been in any relationship.

The second time here together was so hard. Our first year of marriage was such a hard adjustment. It took so much out of both of us to be the supportive other half the other needed. We both were still learning the extent of what we promised the other. That was difficult, but we succeed in overcoming. Oddly enough, the battles against football parents and his on and off field football struggles paved the way to get where we are right now.

Even tonight, as we share the space of the house with a few close friends, I know that we have found a rhythm within one another that I have been looking forward to achieving since the day I took my marital vows.

CC and I have dug through an uphill battle that I never expected to fight. I never knew that I could love and support someone in the way that I do him. The last year has come with a whole new set of challenges, but because we finally faced these things as a team and not as separate entities, they were easier to overcome. We finally found our rhythm. We have finally discovered a balance to meeting each other’s needs. Not to say its perfect, because there’s always room for growth. BUT, we are closer everyday to really understanding the ebbs and flows of our relationship and the expectation of each other within it.

He gets me. He’s the most valuable thing I have. There are certainly days where I feel like I can accomplish anything because of the love he gives me. I genuinely feared that I would never to get this part of my marriage, but it snuck up on me this year. After 3 1/2 years I finally feel grateful. It was so hard, even a year ago I felt guilty for having those feelings of doubt and disbelief that it would work out. I always worried if it was “normal” for a new bride to feel that way or not. It wasn’t the happily ever after I expected. It was much harder then simply having my prince charming slip on the correct fitting slipper.

Then again, I married the court jester, and I’m still laughing…

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From → Marriage

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