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Worst Fear Realized

March 18, 2014

Yesterday was a day that I have feared my entire career. For the first time ever I have been stricken with pain bad enough from my job and had to actually see my Dr.

Back in January I was having some pain in my left wrist. It was manageable and I chalked it up to not having had a massage myself in 8 months. Between getting two massages and doing a lot of self care (wearing a brace in the evenings after work, doing some deep tissue release techniques, spacing out my massages during the day), I was able to make the pain go away.

About 10 days ago the pain came back. To the point where I couldn’t lean on my wrist and I had to start modifying my massages. After working all day Friday and doing 4 1/2 hours of massage on Saturday, my wrist was visibly swollen and there seemed to be a bump on the inside of my wrist. After icing it and getting my brace out I feared the possibility of a ganglion cyst and surgery.

Turns out, it’s tendinitis, and I might have the slim possibility of having a microscopic tear in the tendon or ligament. My doctor said I should consider having a different career. I nearly burst into tears. I’ve been doing massage, along with esthetics, for 10 years. I don’t want to do anything else. She then told me to take two weeks off. I asked her if I could just modify that to only doing 2 massages a day. Or maybe only a week off?

Of course I know my body needs to heal. I can still wax, do manicures and facials if I don’t do too much massage. She wants me to come back in two weeks to see how I feel. If I have minimal improvement she’ll start me on physical therapy and anti-inflamatories. I was thinking I may look at changing my diet to an anti-inflammatory one, this would be a good reason to.

I spent my the rest of my day yesterday, after working in the morning and seeing my doctor, running errands that didn’t get done over the weekend, preparing my taxes and doing some organizing. Today and tomorrow I have off from work completely as well. I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t want to not do massage. It’s my life. It’s a huge part of who I am.

My goal is to heal myself. I can do this for the rest of my life, I know massage therapists who are in their 60’s. I at least want 20 more years. So I will suck it up and do what I have to do. I have no other choice.

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From → Marriage, My work

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