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Yucky Stuff

March 18, 2017

Let me be honest. I’ve been a train wreck lately. I’ve been holding it together at work well enough, but overall, at home, I’m a mess. With everything going on I’m looking for indulgences to keep my mind quiet. So, I’m eating plenty of sugary and salty things. And I’ve been drinking. I’m not a big drinker in general. I’ll have a glass of wine or beer here and there, I’ll go wine tasting. For the last serval weeks though, there’s been one day/night a week that I have gotten completely smashed. To the point where I’ve even been “pre-gaming”. (Warm up drinks at the house before the party, group outing, sporting event, ect.) This has to stop. The food and especially the alcohol. 

I’m not drinking and driving, you don’t do that. But, it ain’t healthy. My dad’s cancer doesn’t disappear because I’m drunk. My emotional need from a break from work doesn’t get fulfilled while I’m drinking. (Vacation in three weeks, I’m counting down!) Eating all the Girl Scout cookies I can handle after CC goes to bed so he doesn’t know, doesn’t help anyone, and doesn’t fix any of the stress I’m experiencing because of everything that has happened lately. 

I’m burnt out because I’m tired and drained. I’m still keeping up with my work outs, but my poor diet is making feel like crap. It doesn’t matter how many laps I walk around the park if I’m cramming my face with kettle chips when I get home. Especially when I’m eating them at 10:30pm.

I told myself that I want to not drink for the next 21 days. I am not allowed to bring any sweets into the house until then also. I can eat veggies and fruits and food that will fuel my body and soul. I can take the next challenge in my work outs to finally break though this plateaued in my weight loss. I can do this. I need to do this. 

But not just with the main goal being to lose weight. To heal what’s upset in me. To fix the balance in the right way. To be genuine in the positivity and strength I show at work, and with my friends, and with my husband. I feel like I have to fake it an remain strong when I feel like everyone is actually waiting for me to say it out loud that I feel broken and I need support. I think it has to start with what I’m putting inside. I’m putting toxins in right now, I instead need to be putting in things that are whole and good. Maybe then I can start feeling, or at least start on the road to feeling, less broken. 

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One Comment
  1. Lamentsandlaughs permalink

    My health regimen is out for a toss too from the last few months and right now a bacon-maple syrup kettle chips pack is just an arm length from my bed, so i totally relate to your frustrated state. But i feel we can get over our demons, one step at a time. This is simply coz we know where the weak links are and we are not fooling ourselves. So just start with something small to regain your control over your health – it might look like am preaching to you but am actually addressing myself. Let’s fix what we can, the rest might fix itself for all we know. Hang in there. Much love.

    Liked by 1 person

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