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May 7, 2018

My dad is getting moved to hospice this week. I know what this means and although I have been preparing for this, it’s really not something you are ready for. I’ve been going and sitting with my dad at the hospital, just like I have been doing since the first time he got sick last year. His cancer is taking him. It is spreading and it is increasingly painful.

I am incredibly grateful for this man. I’m grateful for the stories he has shared with me and the parts of his life I’ve gotten to know about. I’m deeply saddened for all the things he’s going to miss that I know he wanted to be part of. I just don’t want him to be in pain anymore. He seems like he’s ready. He’s not eating, he’s not drinking. He has moments of clarity and moments of being confused. He can still call me by my nickname and tell me that he loves me.

My tears haven’t come yet. My full experience of the loss isn’t setting in but I know it’s coming. I expect that by the weekend I will be clearing my schedule for next week. Dad has been given 7-10 days. It could be sooner. Could be later. People will start coming from out of town.

A light will blink out. And I will never be the same.

One Comment
  1. I’m so sorry you are going through this and I’m sure he is so grateful to have you by his side x


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