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5/19/18 am

May 19, 2018

My dad is still here. He’s been unresponsive and just sleeping since early Monday morning. This is getting to be extremely emotionally taxing. Mom was reading to me about “fear of death” and “unresolved issues” and how both these things can literally leave a person in limbo as they attempt to transition from life to death. We both believe strongly that this is where my dad is. We both know that he had plenty of things left unsaid that he has been afraid of dying since his original cancer diagnosis in January of 2017. So here he is. Stuck. His body will give out eventually. I just don’t know that I can wait another week.

His being stuck has left all of us on a hiatus in our grieving process. If anything though, I am learning that we can’t leave things unsettled in our lives. We have to speak our piece, we have to follow our hearts, we have to apologize and forgive, and we have to live our truest version of ourselves. Apparently my dad couldn’t do this. I hope he finds peace in his eventual death.

I actually canceled some appointments yesterday and today. I couldn’t take it. I had to. I’m unfocused. My patience is low. I’m distracted. I’m trying to move forward, but I’m stuck too. I’m just waiting. My tears are waiting. My life is waiting. My future is waiting. My grief too, is waiting.

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From → Family

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