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5/23/18 am

May 23, 2018

When is rains it pours, you know? A busted motor sensor on my treadmill has forced me outside for my daily walk. Because I really needed one more thing to deal with. The neighborhood behind our condo complex is quiet. This early morning is cold, breezy, and the birds are super active. I’m underdressed, but the chill is welcomed. This school district still has two more weeks left in their school year, in another hour I will be dodging minivans, strollers, and frazzled moms.

My dad passed away about 24 hours ago. The world hasn’t changed much in that time, but I know I am forever changed. He went quietly after a final deep breath. I went over after mom called me to be with her, and to see my dad. He’ll be cremated this week, we’ll do a celebration of life in a month or so. No rush. Mom is s planner.

The house feels weirdly empty. It is way too big for just mom to be there now. I expect that she’ll be ready to start cleaning the place out this summer. She wants to take a year before she moves, but the house is big, they lived there for nearly 30 years, there’s a lot of books and crannies to go though.

When mom called me yesterday, I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I cried a little. After the cremation company picked up dad, my mom and I put the room back together. We put the medical supplies aside to be picked up. I helped make some additional phone calls to friends. I talked to some people I hadn’t seen or heard from in years. It was comforting and sad at the same time. Life is short, time passes too fast.

Mom sent me home, we decided to do dinner at Red Lobster in honor of dad, so I ran some errands, went home to get Coach. We laughed at dinner. Mom insisted we get cocktails to toast dad. It was honestly very nice.

Today is a new day and we start from a new place. I have one client this morning, and then I get the rest of the day to myself. I’m waiting now for my new reality to set in. Which it may never. But my grief is here. I’m not one to wallow, but I will go through my process. I’m grateful for the friendships I’ve cultivated that have been so understanding as I get through.

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From → Family

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