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May 30, 2018

We got out of town yesterday on a much needed day trip. It was the first day of nearly 100 degree weather in Sac and I was happy to get out. Coach finished with the school year on Friday, so with him home, we could beat the tourists and head to the bay on a weekday.

Our plan was to stay in SF long enough to leave the bay after rush hour traffic. We skipped the Embarcadero, and went to the places with our favorite views after leaving the de Young and walking through Golden Gate Park a little. Sutro Baths, Baker Beach, and Fort Point are some of our favorite stops and we hit them all. We had dinner at a new favorite in Sausalito.

We typically day trip every 2-3 weeks, we haven’t done this since March. It was nice to be in the car and to be out doing something. I feel like I had been doing a lot of nothing. I’d gotten so used to being at the hospital everyday or at my mom’s, now I don’t have to do all that.

I should still be going to mom’s. I’ve been talking to her everyday, but I can’t always get over to her house. I’m back to a more regular work schedule. I’m taking time off at the end of June because of dad’s service and all the family coming in from the east coast and Canada. The joys of self-employment include no paid time off. I’ve long gotten used it, this is the first time in 14 years I really wish I could have a few weeks off without having to seriously deplete my savings.

I feel like dad’s passing hasn’t fully hit me. I’m guessing it will later this month when everyone is here and we have to celebration of life.

Part of me feels like I’ve also already processed some of this because of what the last 6 weeks of his life looked like. I know grief is personal and that we go through it in our own way, at our own pace. I just don’t want to skip over any part of this process or get stuck somehow.

I think I feel additionally burdened by a few other things I have to deal with and process. All it of this is sitting squarely atop me. I worry that my other stresses are keeping me from my grief.

I have to keep reminding myself that this is a process and that I don’t have to do this all in a week. That it takes time. And I can take as much time as I need.


From → Family

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