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June 13, 2018

I’m a little less overwhelmed. I have finished the video slideshow for dad’s memorial, I got a great dress, shoes, and proper shape wear to wear to the service, I have a hiking adventure with a girlfriend planned for next week, and coach and I are in a very honest place.

Pages are turning, life is still moving forward. I would still like some more time off, I still need a new treadmill, but work is busy and I have two 5 day vacations already booked for next year. I like having things to look forward to.

Some days are still hard, and I expect there to still be further days to deal with. Some days I can shut it away and be in the moment. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and have to just get home, sometimes I just want to stay out and be around people.

Next Thursday our east coast family starts showing up. There’s happiness and pure dread regarding that. We aren’t getting together for a family reunion, this it happening because my dad died.

That’s still strange to say. I’m at a point where everyone knows now. But it’s still odd to me. I don’t have to constantly talk about it, and I don’t want to. I’m still settling into my new rhythms.

I have decided to take the pressure off myself and not speak at dad’s services. Nothing I have to say do I want to share with strangers. My memories and thoughts are mine. I don’t need to share them with people I don’t know. My brother feels like he needs to talk. I’m glad he feels inclined, but we’re expecting a few hundred people. No thank you.

I still want to go to the beach and stay there, I want coffee, unread books, sweatshirts, hikes through tall trees. I just want me. And time.


From → Family

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