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June 17, 2018

Today’s weather suits my mood. It’s chilly for mid June and overcast. No chance of rain, but a light jacket is needed. I shared a “dad post” on social media as soon as I got up, now I can spend the day avoiding it. Coach is playing golf with his dad, I’m in the middle of a long walk.

I would here preferred to not have to do so much today. I have a list of errands and chores I would like to do, a book I want to finish reading. A tree I’d like to purchase then plant. So far though today, I have slept in and started laundry and made it outside.

Mom called me Tuesday in a panic that the place my brother made brunch reservations at (without consulting the availability or interest of anyone else), was running an overpriced Father’s Day special for their (already over priced and not very good, in my opinion) brunch buffet. She asked what else we could do because she “didn’t want to have to be at home and we needed to celebrate because my brother is a dad too”.

*Insert eye roll* He’s not my dad. I don’t care what he does today.

But because I love my mom, I made early dinner reservations at one of our favorite places downtown, included my in-laws, and then called everyone to confirm. Done.

So, I guess my lesson with this is that sometimes we have to put our own grief aside to indulge in the grieving process of others.

I’m not sure how I really feel about that. Ha. I think my disdain and annoyance is clear. I just didn’t want to be a dick to my mom. She’s going through this too and she just wants to be with us. My problem is more the fact that I like to process through things on my own. I write, I think aloud in my car during my commute, I do a lot of mental reflection on my walks.

I want to do me without the perceived pressure of having to be “on” for my family. I can’t wait for it to be a week from now. We’ll be done with a lot of this stuff and I can concentrate on me. I can go to the beach. I can take baby steps forward. Bring it.


From → Family

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